I am on the phone with my friend Marcia, and I totally feel for her right now. She is going through the “humps and the bumps right now”. She is going through some life changing and possibly shattering obstacles in life, I know she is strong enough, her kids have complete faith in her, but its a tough road ahead. I care for her so so so much.
Today I received flowers from Cruz-Bob, they were so incredibly beautiful, they actually made me cry. I think I can find a picture and post it on here to show you all, they were so nice, I was like, WOW! I am so amazed by my friends lately. Example, I call Cruz everyday on my way to work, just to converse and hear his “Bonjour” in the morning, and my day just would not begin right if it did not have that daily call in it. Some may say its needy but I care for my friends so much, would gladly give my life for any of them. Thanks for the card Cruz!
Work was ok… long, did not leave until 6:30, so home quite late again, that is getting quite old at this point. I was late getting home, and to assist my sister, so I had to attempt to postpone hanging with another friend, who did not take it so well, and was upset with me over it, I apologized but with some people I guess that is just not enough for having the work commitment and family.
Tonight I made a call to a blast from the past, He did not answer, but for some reason I keep thinking about this person and its on my brain. I played such a childish game over the weekend, MASH and he was the final choice. I think about things I said, actions I did, and just wish I could have changed things so badly with this person. One night they even had a warm bath, candles, and wine for me, and another time, I watched him cook a cheesecake all evening, and another time he picked me up after dropping my car off for installation of XM to hang, and another time we went Christmas Tree shopping together. I can still envision him going through the trees, his beanie on, he looked so incredibly cute. He had such intelligence, and I was more scared that I was falling for someone older (he was 28 and I was 23) and it left me feeling weird. One of the best memories was so often snuggling up on his couch and dozing off so often, and Flower Friday. Every friday I brought him flowers just because and called it Flower Friday. I have no clue why I am writing this, but I just needed to vent it out. I know I will never hear back from him, but I know I have made the attempt over email, phone, and even hand written letter. I’m not stuck on the person, i just know that things didn’t happen as they should and if they had, things would be quite different. I miss him terribly just for his support and I read an email from him, and he was quite complimentary so often, though i said he was not. I think for my birthday which is in 16 days, I just wish for a simple call from him, not that it will happen, but I can wish, right? Not that I want to date him, just to hear his voice, thats all, we met a year ago this month and shared the holidays last year in such a wonderful way.
After having to postpone on my friend, another friend (Joseph) asked to hang since I told him my plans had been cancelled, we had hot chocolate together. It was interesting to talk to someone who had been through many things I had been through, and who felt pride in many of the same things. His father died when he was 6 yeas old, as my mother died when I was 13, so we did have that in common, and we both know hard work. It was just nice to make another friend out there, and oddly someone I have been talking to for over a year now, just was so refreshing… more friends just make life richer, and he is one that truly will. He seems like the type that would be in So Cal for a year then be gone far away after that…
Val had another date with Tim today, it was tough at first as he thinks that things will not change if he is dating, they will but I am so happy for him. I was somewhat hurt when he told me he wanted someone to cuddle with etc, when he was never a cuddly person which is why we began to get distant as he was not that kind of romantic guy. He is so sweet though, I will do anything to keep him as my best bud. I guess its time to understand hanging once a week may not be acceptable with his new boy, who knows… Val is so shy that he doesn’t see if its more or less then friends, just thinks people are being friendly.
I talked to Scott History, his depression is getting better, always nice talking to him.
I did not go on friendster too much today. I have enjoyed itunes lately, I find it fun!
My dad leaves tomorrow for Portland, I will be able to see my baby Symba! Can’t wait! I have been super cuddly but not wanting to, avoiding getting attached to anyone when I shouldn’t be… though someone to sleep with and cuddle up with would be ideal tonight, so cold and so much on my mind.
Love everyone, and thank you everyone for who you are!